This week we started a series on parenthood that I hope will be very helpful. But when it comes to such a big topic, there is no end to the advice you can find. So, we started off very simple with this overarching idea: The environment you create in your home contributes to who your children become.

When I think about creating environments, I think about my dad’s new hobby, raising saltwater fish. That’s not an easy thing to do. You can’t just fill a tank with water and expect them to thrive. Especially when the water coming out of your tap is not saltwater. At least it better not be.

So, you have to buy special products for your saltwater fish. First, you use products that take away harmful chemicals and algae. And then you use products to add things to the tank, like salt water and PH balance.

It’ the same with parenting. The environment you create will be determined by what you take out and what you put in. I want to expand just a bit on what we talked about this week and focus on those two things.

What do you take out?

What do you need to remove from the environment of your home to produce the right balance? I’m not going to give you a list of things to look for in your kids’ closet or bookshelf. I want this to be simple and practical.

First, I think you have to remove expectations. There is the ideal family we all want to be, or at least we would like to be. But expectations have a way of driving us crazy. It sets us up for failure if the goal is too high. So you have to balance the ideal with the real. And trust me, every family out there has some “realness” to it.

And that means you need to remove the comparison mentality. If you gauge your family’s wholeness by whether your vacation was better than someone else’s Instagram photos, then you’ve fallen into the comparison trap. Understand that your perception of what others are going through usually doesn’t match their reality.

Finally, you have to remove stubbornness. Accept that you can’t control the outcome. You can try really hard. You can point your kids in the right direction, teach them the right things, and provide the right atmosphere to experience God, but ultimately it’s up to them. Some kids that have the most loving, nurturing parents end up making poor decisions with devastating consequences. It’s up to you to create an environment, not control the outcome.

What do you put in?

Let me share with you four quick ingredients to put into your family. This isn’t comprehensive by any stretch, but I think it’s real helpful.

Space

You need to create space for your kids to be themselves and for you to be a real version of yourself. And when there’s space in a home, I think peace follows. Here’s how we said it on Sunday: Peace Trumps Frustration. Space lets you decompress before you get frustrated with each other.

Communication

I bet you’ve heard that before. In families, communication is key. It’s the basis for all relationships, and like we said this week: Relationship Trumps Experience. Get to know your kids. Instead of running from one event to the next, use opportunities – over dinner, before bed, first thing in the morning – to communicate clearly and often. Those long talks will be remembered long after the vacation photos, sports trophies, and memories fade.

Patience

Kind of a no-brainer, I know. Responding Trumps Reacting. That means we need to be patient with each other, allow each other to make mistakes, and be automatically forgiving. When we are patient, it gives us time to formulate a response instead of firing off our first reaction.

Time

Listening Trumps Dismissing. And I know I’m still working on this one. But listening can’t be done quick. It’s easy to speak in a dismissive way. That takes no time or thought at all. And it’s our default sometimes. It takes time to develop the skills of a good listener. And it’s time worth spending.

We’re just getting started, and I don’t know that we’ll get to the end of knowing everything there is to know about parenting. But I hope we’re off to the right start.

As I was preparing for this week’s message, I opened up my Bible and read the parable of the Pharisee and tax collector again (Luke 18:9-15). And again, when I got to the part where the Pharisee says, “Thank God I’m not like that tax collector,” I cringed. How could he act so arrogant? But when I got to the end and heard Jesus say that the tax collector was justified and the Pharisee wasn’t, I said, “Well, thank God I’m not like that Pharisee.”

And there it was. I fell into the trap without even realizing it. In trying to not be a Pharisee, I actually become one. On accident!

I think many of us do this. The problem with saying, “Thank God I’m not a Pharisee” is that we’re just as arrogant or prideful as he was. We compare our own rightness with someone else. Am I better? Yes? Great!

Larry Osborne calls us out in his book Accidental Pharisee:

“As you press forward in your faith, it’s inevitable that you begin to notice that some people lag behind. And it’s at this point that your personal pursuit of holiness can morph into something dangerous: a deepening sense of frustration with those who don’t share your passionate pursuit of holiness. Inevitably, being right will become more important than being kind, gracious, or loving.”

Being kind, gracious, and loving doesn’t stop with the tax collector. It includes loving the arrogant, the proud, the “I’m so awesome” crowd. The Pharisee. Being judgmental of judgmental people is still being judgmental.

When we are really transformed by God’s justification, we will live it out. When we receive grace, we should give it. And the more grace we get to cover up our sins, the more we should be willing to spread around, taking it by big handfuls and scattering as far as we can.

Refusing to be a Pharisee doesn’t mean we shift the focus of our righteous arrogance. It means we let go of it all together. This weekend, I gave you some practical steps to build a heart of humility. I want to give them to you one more time.

A Heart of Humility Takes an honest view of self

Do we see ourselves as we really are, or are we looking into a distorted mirror? James, the brother of Jesus, compared the scripture to a mirror that you can look intently into to find your own faults and failures. But if you turn from the mirror and make no changes, what good is it?

A Heart of Humility Admits Failure

How hard is it for you to admit you’re wrong? To say, “I’m sorry”? To agree with an opponent? True power is not in always being right, but in a willingness to change your mind when you are wrong.

A Heart of Humility Continually Fights Pride

None of us are immune to pride. In fact, as we grow closer to God and become more disciplined, the more easily we can judge those who aren’t. Part of maturity in Christ is the fight to keep those feelings in check.

A Heart of Humility Allows Differing Viewpoints to Sit Side-by-Side

This takes listening. Really listening. Again, James gives some great insights:

“Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”

-James 1:19

What are you willing to do each day to be more like the tax collector and less like the Pharisee? How will you react the next time you encounter an opinion different than yours, a situation where you may be wrong, or a person that is ripe for judgment?

During my sermon this week, I mentioned the role Desmond Tutu had in the Truth and Reconciliation Commission. It was a group established to restore unity in South Africa following the dismantling of apartheid. Nelson Mandela asked who he wanted on the commission. Desmond Tutu wanted victims. Not just those who suffered pain, but those who forgave their enemies.

He called these men and women “Wounded Healers.”

Here’s a quick definition of what that means: Wounded Healers are people who have endured great hardship and pain and use their own brokenness to help others.

In every tragedy, we have the ability to find something redemptive. Because of our brokenness, not in spite of it, we can become agents of change and ambassadors of comfort. We collect tools along with the wounds. These can be lessons we’ve learned, empathy we’ve gained, or some greater pain somebody has been spared because of our suffering.

If you do a search on the term wounded healer, you’ll find that psychology has a long history of studying this phenomenon. But I believe God has a longer history of using our stories – the good parts and bad parts – to transform us into healers.

Think through stories of tragedy and triumph in the Bible. Because Ruth refused to abandon her mother in law after the death of her husband, she became part of God’s story in returning Israel to greatness through her grandson, King David. Or how about Paul, who lived a life of religious perfection but found it bankrupt, and then helped free others from that same religiosity, showing them a path to freedom through faith in Christ alone.

At the point of your greatest pain, God has a way to use your story for someone else’s good. As a wounded healer, you can reach out to someone with a similar hurt. Whatever you experienced, you can find someone else in the same predicament. And then you can show them hope and healing.

Think of it this way. Have you ever broken a bone? I’m sure you’ve got a great story about it! And I’m sure it was no fun wearing a cast and being restricted for at time. But did you know broken bones grow back stronger? It’s true! A portion of that bone actually creates a barrier to support the surrounding area.

Broken bones are stronger. Scar tissue can protect and promote faster healing. Our wounds can heal. Our failures can lead to greater success.

It’s hard to believe because we all want to cover up our faults. No one posts pictures of wounds on Instagram, except to get sympathy. No one brags on Facebook about their failures. We don’t advertise when things go wrong. Instead, we compare ourselves to the pictures of others we see online.

It’s called Social Comparison Theory. It explains how individuals measure themselves against other people. But the problem is we end up comparing our worst day to someone else’s best day. We judge how well our story is based on how many likes, shares, or follows it gets.

What if we judged our story by another measure, a higher one?

What if we found a way to use our scars, bumps, bruises, and even failures for a greater good? What if God transformed that pain into a pathway for hope and healing – not just for us, but for others?

God will rewrite your story if you let him. When you ask him to redeem what you’ve lost, to restore what has failed, and to heal what is broken, he does it. But not without a purpose. And that purpose is so you can help the healing process for someone else.

How is God actively rewriting your story? What pain have you experienced that prepares you to help others?

At Northbrook Church, we’ve immersed ourselves in the stories of Genesis over the summer. Whenever you take a fresh look at an old story, so many new things seem to come to the surface

This week I talked about the culmination of the story between Jacob and Esau. If you remember, they were twins, and even from birth, they had this incredible sibling rivalry. Can you imagine getting into a fight with your brother at the very moment you were born? Well, they did. Making matters worse, Jacob later stole Esau’s birthright and his blessing. Then he skipped town!

In the 33^rd chapter of Genesis he finally comes back home to face his problems. And that’s where we picked up the story. But instead of looking at it through Jacob’s viewpoint, we took Esau’s side.

Now, let me just push pause and ask you what you would do if you were in Esau’s shoes? Have you ever had anyone lie about you or steal from you like Jacob did to Esau? I have, and it doesn’t feel good. It can leave a bad taste in your mouth. But when we choose resentment over forgiveness, it can be like poison.

Harboring un-forgiveness is toxic for your soul. Esau knew that. And we need to learn it. Forgiveness is not releasing people from responsibility but releasing yourself from resentment.

In order to find forgiveness, we have to give up. That’s the very basis of prayer. First, you pray for them. Then pray for yourself. Sometimes, forgiveness is beyond our own ability. But it’s at the center of God’s heart. He can empower you to forgive when it feels like you never could.

I want to go a bit deeper. What do we find when we find forgiveness? Let’s take a look at some benefits of forgiveness.

– Emotional Health

Unforgiveness and resentment are rooted in anger. Maybe it’s well placed anger, especially if you’ve been wronged. But did you know that staying angry can keep you in a constant state of fight-or-flight?

When we hold onto resentment, we are more prone to depression and sadness. We are always on guard for the next person who will turn on us. Maintaining strong, healthy relationships becomes impossible.

But when we forgive, all those symptoms reverse. Some researchers even say it’s automatic and instant! So, if you want to have better relationships, practice daily forgiveness.

– Physical Health

Along with that constant fight-or-flight condition comes higher blood pressure and increased risk of heart attack. It’s true! But in study after study, people who were more forgiving had the opposite reaction.

Here are some other things that you can expect physically when you find forgiveness:

• Lower blood pressure
• Reduced muscle tension
• Increased immune system
• Reduced risk of heart disease and diabetes
• Lower lifetime stress
• Longer lifespan

The best news is that forgiveness can be learned and the results are almost immediate. A person who is more forgiving is just naturally happier about their life. And that leads to less stress, inside and out.

– Spiritual Health

The greatest benefit you can have from being a forgiving person is the spiritual fruit you reap.

In Matthew 6, Jesus teaches us to pray. And he includes this double statement: “Forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us” In other words, there is a direct link between us forgiving others and being forgiven of our sins – becoming spiritually whole and healthy. Later in that chapter, Jesus warns us that if we hold back on forgiveness and hold onto resentment, there’s a clear danger that our prayers will go unanswered.

But forgiveness goes beyond our prayer life. Look at what Paul instructed the Christians in Ephesus:

Ephesians 4:32

³² Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

He knew that a healthy, loving, Christ-led community had to be based on mutual forgiveness. When we do that, we become a little bit more like Jesus.

Are you holding onto a grudge? Is there someone you need to forgive? Have you experienced decreased health in one of these areas because of it? How can you move into a new space of forgiveness in your life?

When I began this blog I had really good intentions. I was going to write one or two times a week. That was a pretty lofty goal! Obviously, it has not worked out that way; my last post was in February!

So what happened?

Life.

Things got busy, I have 2 kids, a very demanding job, sometimes I am lazy and sometimes I am just tired, and want to binge watch something and go to bed, so I kept pushing my writing to the “back burner”. Yet, I have some things that I want to share. I have some deep thoughts about life and faith and that very messy place where they intersect. I have decided to give this one more shot. Stay tuned it could be good!

We live in a beautiful, mysterious, dangerous, frightening, and incredible world. As I consider my experiences I know am very fortunate. I am hesitant to say “blessed” because that would imply that others who have an even stronger faith than me and are walking through some pretty tough circumstances are “not blessed,” like some of my friends who are suffering in India right now. I essentially live the American dream. I have a beautiful home in a great neighborhood. I own two running cars, no credit card debt, and have two healthy children, one girl and one boy (I know the American dream tells me I should have 2.5 kids but I can’t figure out how the create the .5 one). All the people I know have it made, at least compared to some of my friends who live in places like Ghana.

 In spite of all this, we have a crisis. It’s not a crisis of religion, politics, government, education, or health care. It is a crisis of character. What is character? The dictionary defines character as ”the mental and moral qualities distinctive to an individual.”  We can have good character or bad character but not “neutral” character. Of the chaos, I witness in the world character is the issue, at least the root of the issue. Several years ago I traveled to the Democratic Republic of Congo. This is a place of rich beauty and abundant natural resources, yet most of the people live in dire poverty. Why? Character. The corruption of government officials has caused the people to suffer and remain in poverty (for more on this read the book Dancing in the Glory of Monsters). Corruption of character is the reason for suffering among many innocent people. 

 From time to time I run into people who have “left the Christian faith.” What I soon discover is that they, in the words of Andy Stanley, left a version of the Christian faith, a version that was based on someone’s interpretation, someone’s perspective rather than a correct handling of the Bible. Often people walk away from faith because of the actions of others actions that are an expression of poor character, not a reflection of Jesus.

 There is an ancient Hebrew Proverb from the Old Testament that says this:

 Proverbs 22:1

¹A good name is more desirable than great riches;

    to be esteemed (well thought of) is better than silver or gold.

 Some say character is what you do when no one is watching, and that may be true, but eventual it becomes visible to all. In the New Testament the Apostle Paul writes: 

 Ephesians 5:15

Be very careful, then, how you live…

Character is doing the right thing even when it’s the hard thing. I learned this from my mom. When I was a kid, we would go to McDonald’s on occasion, which was a pretty big deal for us. One day when I was in elementary school, we went to McDonald’s as a family and ordered our food. When our order was delivered, we were given an extra order of French fries that we did not pay for. My mom got up calmly and took them back and said we did not pay for these. As a kid, I found that strange. I thought it was great; we were given some free food. Mom’s character would not allow for that. It was a good lesson.

 A few months ago I had an altercation with someone, and it got a bit emotional and heated. I said some things and made some accusations that were not true. I lied to make myself look good, and the other person looked really bad. I left the room that day winning the battle and losing part of my character. A few days later I could not live with myself and went back to that person and told them I was not truthful and that I was sorry. I walked away regaining part of what I lost. 

 I have heard that it takes a lifetime to build good character and only a moment to lose it. When I manipulate, lie, and twist situations, so they work out in my favor, I lack character and people notice. You lose respect and you lose trust, two things that are hard to get back.

I once read a message given by Rick Warren. He was speaking on a passage from the book of Hebrews that stated 

 Hebrews 13:7-8 

“Remember your leaders who spoke the word of God to you.  Consider the outcome of their way of life, and imitate their faith.”

 As he interpreted this verse, he was speaking specifically about leadership and made three points from the passage that targeted leaders. I took his three points removed “leader” and put in “character” and I found the results compelling and relevant. Here is what I came up with

 People of Character have a message worth remembering:“Remember your leaders who spoke the word of God to you…”

People of Character have a lifestyle worth considering:“Consider the outcome of their way of life…”

 People of Character have a faith worth imitating:“and imitate their faith.” 

Now I do a character inventory. Do I have a message worth remembering? Do I have a lifestyle worth considering? Do I have a faith worth imitating? The answer to those question might make all the difference in the world 

Christmas is less than a week away. I have been doing my very best to embrace the season. The other day I said to my wife “Christmas feels different as an adult”. When I was a kid, Christmas was such a magical season. Time stood still. The weeks leading up to Christmas were filled with projects at school that involved snowmen, Santa, and elves. Our home was decorated with lights, the Christmas tree was picture perfect, and the smell of Christmas cookies filled the air. It was a very carefree time filled with wonder, joy, and presents. Then I became an adult and I picked up the “weight of life”.

The Christmas magic I loved as a child turned to responsibility (remembering to move the Elf on the Shelf, see below) and at times feels much more like work. Honestly, Christmas often just feels complicated. Seven years ago we moved to Wisconsin and discovered a tradition that we were not familiar with, Saint Nicks Day. This was not a “thing” when we lived in Colorado. As a kid growing up in Buffalo, New York there was no Saint Nicks Day. What I learned was that “St. Nick”, aka “Santa” came not only on December 24th but also at the beginning of December leaving small gifts for all the good children of Wisconsin. Apparently, Saint Nick did not get the memo that we moved and forgot to come our home. Our daughter Hannah who was 6 at the time went to school the next day and heard about all the gifts her classmates got, she came home in tears. Epic fail Saint Nick.

After Saint Nick finally figured things out we were visited by another Christmas figure, The Elf on the Shelf. He came uninvited and we found him in the most ridiculous of situations. He made life complicated (at least the mornings). The next year a second one showed up, one for each of the children of course. They have been coming every year and won’t go away.

Christmas is also a very busy season as a Pastor. At our church we do six Christmas Eve services over two days. I love it, but six is a lot…ok it is down right exhausting. I count down the hours because the day after Christmas we head to Florida to thaw out for a few days (as I write this it is -3). This year I choose to look at Christmas different and experience it in a fresh way. I want to again embrace the Christmas season with expectation and wonder. Each morning I have started my day listening to the old Christian classic “O Come O Come Emmanuel. As I listen to that tune, I think of the sacrifice God made to be with us. I am also reminded that “GOD NEVER FAILS.” That is one of the messages of Christmas. God delivers on his promises, he never fails.

 In the book of 1 John we find these words:

1 John 1:5 “This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him, there is no darkness at all…”

In 1970 the theologian F.F. Bruce wrote: “As John writes these words he is saying God is the source and essence of holiness and righteousness, goodness, and truth; in Him there is nothing that is unholy or unrighteous, evil or false”. In other words, God never fails, but there is a rub. Sometimes there is a gap between what we want God to do and what he actually does. I think we have all experienced this. Have you ever felt like God has failed you?

About eleven years ago my wife and I were living with her parents. We had sold our home and were having a bigger one built but we had to be out of our old house before our new one was completed. The day before Thanksgiving my mother in law had a brain aneurysm and was taken by ambulance to the hospital. She had surgery and was in the hospital from November to March. In the month of March, due to complications, my mother in law passed from this life to the next at the age of 59. We felt like God had failed us. That thought was flawed, God never fails, but, our image, expectations, and assumptions of him often do fail.

We all have an “image” of God. What does God look like to you? How does he behave? You can use the same Bible as the person sitting next to you in church and walk away with two very different images of God, why do you think there are so many Christian denominations? We often confuse God with our assumptions about him. Sometimes we confuse God with an ideal image of ourself and when God doesn’t add up or do what we want we assume God has failed us. We also have an image of Christmas. In many ways culture has distorted the meaning of Christmas, the madness of Black Friday is one example of this. The moment a person is willing to punch someone in face to save one hundred bucks on a TV is the moment something has gone very wrong.

Life will get tough. I think we can all agree on that. However, we can not associate the difficulty of life with Gods character. When John writes “God is light and in him there is not darkness” that is a character statement. We have all had seasons in which we asked God to do something and he did not deliver like we thought he should and we, in turn, make a character statement about Him. We make assumptions that are not ours to make.

This week I challenge you to take a moment and consider the statement that God made when he sent his son to be born in the most humble of circumstances in one of the most diabolical times in history. Take a few moments this week and listen to the old song

Christmas is coming. As I sit in a booth at Panera, the old Christmas rhyme “Christmas is coming “is churning in my head: “Christmas is coming, the goose is getting fat, please put a penny in the old man’s hat…”. This season is a time of goodwill, family, and feasting. The church calls this season Advent. In Christian theology, the word Advent means “the coming.” It is the time in which we prepare our hearts and minds for Christmas, the day we celebrate the birth of Christ and the coming of the Messiah. This is a season of faith.

Right now battles lines are being drawn (again) around right thinking. Some have become so preoccupied defending “truth” and “belief” that they have lost sight of what the essence of faith is. Just spend a few minutes on Facebook or Twitter if you don’t believe me . Truth and belief are necessary; however, it is easy to reduce our belief in God to explaining God and completely miss the relationship defined as faith. Are we so arrogant that we think we have God all figured out? Have we made God into a set of bullet points or a technical set of assumptions that can be dissected and debated? God himself told us we could never truly understand his ways (see the book of Job).

Some have suggested that the word “belief” in the Bible is better understood as “trust” rather than intellectual thought or assumptions. We trust in a person, not a religious system. That is what faith is: trust. The working definition of faith is “complete trust or confidence in something or someone.” Trust feels more relational than all the other words we use to describe our pondering about God.

Advent, then, is a season of trust. I trust in the incarnation that Jesus came and lived among us. I trust that Jesus came because God is for me and not against me. I trust that God has my best intentions in mind even when I don’t understand them. In the Bible, the Pharisees missed this because they were concerned only with the details of the law and not with the person to whom the law pointed. They didn’t trust. Over the past couple of months, I have spent time with people who have walked through or are currently walking through terrible trials and suffering. In the midst of this, I have seen people who live with  trust that is not based on understanding and logic, but on faith. Many of the people I have spoken with are not asking “why,” but are saying, in the midst of their pain, “God, I trust you, much like Job said, ‘Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him…’ “(Job 13:15 KJV).

As we celebrate Advent, we don’t celebrate dogma or doctrine. We celebrate the coming of Jesus, the Messiah who asks us to trust in him even when we don’t fully understand his ways.

I have had a hard time finding words for the events that have just unfolded in our country. I have no intention on writing my views concerning candidates, issues or debates, aren’t you glad! I want to talk about “us”. I want to write about humanity, being human, being a follower of Jesus, and the behavior that results from it.  In the forty-one years that I have been alive, this has been the most tumultuous presidential election I have ever witnessed.

As I expected, the moment a winner was announced social media and the Internet exploded. It would have happened regardless of who won. Honestly, this is the first time I have ever thought seriously about deleting my Facebook account. Since the election ended, I have been exposed to some of the worst displays of humanity from both sides, on Facebook, Twitter, and the blogosphere.

Some are rejoicing while others are mourning. I get that there is an intense emotional response and I respect each person’s feelings but do we have to lose ourselves in it? Some of those who have patterned their life after Jesus and who are called to live with unity are acting arrogantly with an “in your face” attitude. Some that scream “tolerance” from social watchtowers are displaying the opposite of what they believe, calling those that think differently than them the most insulting and horrific names and making sweeping generalizations of people they don’t know. Both sides must own responsibility for immature behavior and a general lack of respect for humanity. Common courtesy and common sense have been lost. When will we stop the madness?

I want to speak to all who follow Christ, regardless of what that expression looks like or how you voted.

Jesus made a very direct statement in the New Testament: “My kingdom is not of this world” (John 18:36). Jesus was not red or blue, He was and is the Son of God who stands outside and above our politics. The moment we reduce Jesus to the positions of our political platform Christianity ceases to be what Jesus had in mind. If you don’t believe me go back and read the Sermon on the Mount. Regardless of what we marked in the voting booth, how do we move forward from here? I find the prophet Micah to be incredibly helpful:

“He has told you, O man what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God.” -Micah 6:8

As a Pastor, I want to challenge us to do three things in the coming year following this election.

Do Justice

Great injustice is committed every day, by individuals, by groups, by governments, and organizations. As followers of Christ, we must be committed to justice. We should be committed to standing up for those who cannot defend themselves, for those who have been placed in the margin, the poor, the oppressed, and the helpless. We are never called to hate, we are always called to love others, even our enemy (Matthew 5:44). If we committed as much time to love as we do to trying to be “right” about everything, the world would be a much better place. Frederick Douglass, an African-American social reformer, abolitionist, orator, writer, and statesman, said “Where justice is denied, where poverty is enforced, where ignorance prevails, and where any one class is made to feel that society is an organized conspiracy to oppress, rob and degrade them, neither persons nor property will be safe”. God is a God of justice. As followers of Christ, we must work for justice in the world regardless of political standing. Can we rally in the name of Christ and the teachings of the Gospel that changes lives and saves souls? The last time I recited the pledge of alliance I remember it ending with…”Liberty and Justice for all”.

Love Kindness

“Be kind, for everyone is fighting a hard battle” -Source Unknown

Let’s just agree on something, we have not seen kindness in the political process. The world itself seems to be going in the opposite direction of kindness. We have become increasingly polarized, aggressive, ignorant, violent, and just plain mean. It was not that long ago the republicans and democrats worked together to find real solutions for real problems. I have read of a time when republicans and democrats would debate in the government halls and then go to dinner together. People are reacting the way they are for a reason. I believe we often react because of our own personal pain, which is, ironically something we all share. However, kindness goes a long, long way. I can be kind to others whether they agree with me or not, my faith demands it and my humanity needs it.

Walk Humbly with your God

When I am honest with myself I have to remember that I am a broken sinner saved by grace. When we lose sight of our brokenness spiritual arrogance creeps in, and it is deadly. When I walk humbly with God I see myself as I am and as he created me to be, no better, no worse. People who walk humbly with God are bridge builders in the world. Not focusing on our own agendas but representing God and the life that he has to offer. When we shout and scream at the culture, God’s light and love are not shown. We are not acting and tasting like salt, but more like milk that went bad seven days ago and it leaves a horrible taste in peoples mouth. This behavior looks nothing like the way Jesus interacted with the world and does not bring glory to God. We can live what we believe, be true to our conscious, and uphold the teachings of the Bible all while walking with God in great humility.

Our nation needs Christians that live like Jesus. People who act justly, love kindness and walk humbly with their God.

I have been a follower of Jesus for around 26 years. Over those 26 years, I have prayed lots of prayers, but the most common one was and still is “Lord show me your will.” If you are a Christian, you have probably prayed that prayer. Essentially, we are asking God to show us what he wants us to do with our lives or what decisions we should make. If we are honest, when we pray that prayer, we already have an answer tucked away that we simply want God to approve for us. We want Gods will, as long as it is comfortable and lines up with my will.

I have discovered the only way to truly pray that prayer with integrity is come to a place of indifference. Coming to a of indifference allows us to open our whole self to God’s will. It means that we can truly pray “your will be done on earth as it is in heaven, regardless of the outcome.

I first learned of this practice when reading a book by Ruth Haley-Barton. Barton writes:

“The first and most essential dynamic if discernment is the movement toward indifference. In the context of spiritual discernment, indifference is a positive term signifying that ‘I am indifferent to anything but Gods will.’ This is an interior freedom or state of openness to God in which we are free from undue attachment to any particular outcome. There is a capacity to relinquish whatever might keep us form choosing God and love, and we come to a place where we want God and Gods will more than anything-more than ego gratification, more than wanting to look good in the eyes of others, more than personal ownership, comfort, and advantage. We ask God to bring us to a place where we want ‘God’s will, nothing more, nothing less, nothing else’ so that we can pray the prayer of indifference— ‘not my will but thine be done’ (Pursuing Gods will Together p.63).

 Indifference is a tough place to get to. We all have dreams, hopes, aspirations and agendas. Can we really get to a place in which we are actually indifferent to anything but God’s will? How do we even begin to get to that place? Here are 3 things I practice in trying to do this:

Get over myself daily 

I used to have the answers for everything, so I thought. I was arrogant and egotistical. My way was the right way and everyone else was wrong. I had a dream for my life and nothing was going to stop it.  I finally got to the place of humility (I define humility as not thinking more or yourself than you ought, but also not thinking less of yourself). It came through hardship, suffering, and loss. Though those years were painful, I received a gift in them: I got over myself. It was then that God did a deep work in me. It is still hard to be indifferent, but I am getting better at getting out of the way.

Spend time listening 

It’s hard to hear God speak if I am always talking. Most of our prayers (mine included) seem like lists of things we want God to do. What would happen if we stopped talking and began a time of prayer with “I am listening, your will be done”. What would happen if our communities of faith became listening communities? I love this line:

 “Christians at their best are God listeners, and the Christian Church, when most faithful, is a listening community”  -Bishop Ruben Job

 Trust that God knows best, even if it does not always make sense at the moment

The Christian life is a life of faith and a life of dependence on God. When I was a kid, my parents made decisions for me that did not make sense for me at the time. As an adult, I look back and realize they were right. They could see something I could not. God is my father, and he knows what is best even if I don’t see it.

Let us pray “Your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven” and mean it.