Indifference

I have been a follower of Jesus for around 26 years. Over those 26 years, I have prayed lots of prayers, but the most common one was and still is “Lord show me your will.” If you are a Christian, you have probably prayed that prayer. Essentially, we are asking God to show us what he wants us to do with our lives or what decisions we should make. If we are honest, when we pray that prayer, we already have an answer tucked away that we simply want God to approve for us. We want Gods will, as long as it is comfortable and lines up with my will.

I have discovered the only way to truly pray that prayer with integrity is come to a place of indifference. Coming to a of indifference allows us to open our whole self to God’s will. It means that we can truly pray “your will be done on earth as it is in heaven, regardless of the outcome.

I first learned of this practice when reading a book by Ruth Haley-Barton. Barton writes:

“The first and most essential dynamic if discernment is the movement toward indifference. In the context of spiritual discernment, indifference is a positive term signifying that ‘I am indifferent to anything but Gods will.’ This is an interior freedom or state of openness to God in which we are free from undue attachment to any particular outcome. There is a capacity to relinquish whatever might keep us form choosing God and love, and we come to a place where we want God and Gods will more than anything-more than ego gratification, more than wanting to look good in the eyes of others, more than personal ownership, comfort, and advantage. We ask God to bring us to a place where we want ‘God’s will, nothing more, nothing less, nothing else’ so that we can pray the prayer of indifference— ‘not my will but thine be done’ (Pursuing Gods will Together p.63).

 Indifference is a tough place to get to. We all have dreams, hopes, aspirations and agendas. Can we really get to a place in which we are actually indifferent to anything but God’s will? How do we even begin to get to that place? Here are 3 things I practice in trying to do this:

Get over myself daily 

I used to have the answers for everything, so I thought. I was arrogant and egotistical. My way was the right way and everyone else was wrong. I had a dream for my life and nothing was going to stop it.  I finally got to the place of humility (I define humility as not thinking more or yourself than you ought, but also not thinking less of yourself). It came through hardship, suffering, and loss. Though those years were painful, I received a gift in them: I got over myself. It was then that God did a deep work in me. It is still hard to be indifferent, but I am getting better at getting out of the way.

Spend time listening 

It’s hard to hear God speak if I am always talking. Most of our prayers (mine included) seem like lists of things we want God to do. What would happen if we stopped talking and began a time of prayer with “I am listening, your will be done”. What would happen if our communities of faith became listening communities? I love this line:

 “Christians at their best are God listeners, and the Christian Church, when most faithful, is a listening community”  -Bishop Ruben Job

 Trust that God knows best, even if it does not always make sense at the moment

The Christian life is a life of faith and a life of dependence on God. When I was a kid, my parents made decisions for me that did not make sense for me at the time. As an adult, I look back and realize they were right. They could see something I could not. God is my father, and he knows what is best even if I don’t see it.

Let us pray “Your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven” and mean it.