I hope you’ve been practicing some civil conversations the last three weeks. I know I have, but it’s been tough. But I’ve learned a lot. And I don’t want to stop! I want to keep going.

Jesus warned us against words that were empty. I think the best way to accomplish that is make sure our words are full. But full of what? I’m sure you know some people that you’d say their words are full of hot air. Or maybe full of something else. But that’s really just another way to say empty.

What our words need to be full of is grace. That need to be graceful.

Colossians 4:6

⁶ Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.

Let me give you some very practical ways to make sure those conversations are civil, your words are seasoned with salt, and your mouth is full of grace. I think we all know how to say empty words – words that are thoughtless, are condescending or arrogant, words that tear down rather than build up. But to speak words full of grace takes time, patience, listening, and thinking.

So here are a few thoughtless words. Instead of saying this…why not try this? And maybe these examples can help you think of other words in your own life you’d like to kick.

Instead of, “I can’t believe you did that!”

Say, “Can you help me understand your intention?”

Okay, I’ll be honest. This one is mostly for parents. How many times have you hurled off that line? I know I have – maybe even this week! While we may be trying to help teach our kids, those words can often just heap up shame. We make them feel less than, unloved, or uncared for. But thinking it through will open up a conversation where both of you can learn and grow.

Instead of, “I’m not listening to you anymore!”

Say, “Until there are some changes, I’m not sure we should continue this.”

There may be times when conversation and communication is impossible. We can either shut down – a passive aggressive move – or shove back – a more up front. Neither of those is great. Instead, calmly explain that you’re disengaging from the conversation because you can’t see eye-to-eye. It doesn’t mean you’re not friends, you don’t like each other, or that you’re unforgivingly mad. It’s just that you know your limits and you’re trying to stay inside of them.

Instead of, “How many times have I told you?”

Say, “Can you explain why this keeps happening?”

Well, here’s another one we use on our kids. But actually, I’m sure some of us have used this against a spouse too. It’s a way to letting them know we’re frustrated because they didn’t follow orders. But maybe there’s something else going on. How can we help each other get what we both want? That’s what graceful conversation creates.

Instead of, “You never do that…you always do this…”

Say, “I feel like this keeps happening…isn’t happening enough…”

“Never” and “always” are conversation killers. Once one of us pulls one of those out, all communication is lost. Why? Because nothing is “never” or “always.” That’s just too constricting. “You never put the dishes away!” “Oh yes I do, because I did it once back in 1999.” “We always watch what you want to watch!” “Don’t you remember when I let you see the Friends finale?” You see. These phrases backfire. Instead, try talking out your feelings some more so that the other person really knows where you’re coming from instead of putting them on the defense.

What are some of the conversation killers you’ve used in the past? Where has your communication with your spouse, your kids, your boss, your sister or brother broken down? How can you get it repaired?

Empty words mean they’re ready to be filled. Why not fill them with grace? Find a way to stuff more and more of it in every conversation you have.

What does it take to make our conversations civil again? What will we need to do – individually – to see that happen? It starts with the tone of our voice, but it goes all the way to the content of our conversations.

In Ephesians, Paul warns his audience – and us! – not to use language that tears down. Instead, use words that build up. The Proverbs talk about the power of our words, how they can either bring life or destroy. So what kind of words tear down?

Those types of words are rotten. That’s Paul’s word, not mine. I would go with something else – offensive. And instead of the picture of spoiled fruit spewing from your mouth…just think about me walking around in yoga pants. Yeah, that’s pretty disturbing isn’t it. That just should not be!

The point is, there are certain things that “should not be” in the church – but they’re there. And one of the areas of largest sin yet smallest attention is in how we talk.

Let me get real practical and share a few of those areas with you. Here are five things that should never come from the mouth of a believer.

Racism

There is absolutely no place in the body of Christ for people to judge others based on the color of their skin. That goes for nationality and ethnicity as well. Racism is the degradation of God’s creation. It’s when we pass judgment on how God made another person, specifically the color of their skin. It’s a dig at the heart of God, actually.

When we talk about someone using racially insensitive terms or use subtle remarks that paint them in a bad light, we are sinning. It’s that simple.

Racism is dangerous. It has led, in the past, to slavery, segregation, apartheid, and even worse. But it’s not the major sins of racism that we wee a lot. It’s the more casual way we express it. In off-handed remarks. In little sayings that have a racist origin but we never considered it. It’s this casual racism that we must be diligent in removing from our speech, because it’s from those small seeds that racism will grow.

Sexism

If racism is about judging God’s work in the color of someone’s skin, then sexism is doing the same when it comes to gender. Again, sexism has no place in the Body of Christ.

We usually cover this up with a blanket, “I was just joking.” But is it really? And we normally think of sexism as having to do with men saying mean things about women. It goes both ways. It’s just as wrong for a female to joke about a male being dumb, ugly, or having bad hygiene.

When we joke about someone else, what’s the purpose of it? What’s the true intent? Is it really to lighten the mood? If so, there are a hundred other ways to do it without belittling someone else’s gender. Think twice before sharing that joke.

Classism

This is a more overlooked form of prejudice. But you and I both know that this happens. In fact, we may be guilty of it too. We look down on someone because they are less fortunate. Or we pity them. We speak in soft whispers when we talk about where they live.

There are a multitude of reasons that you and I and anyone else have the amount of resources we have. From family upbringing and privilege to unforeseen tragedies and unfortunate events. When we talk bad about someone’s financial state, we’re not doing it to help them out but to make us feel better. And that’s a no-win scenario.

Gossip

Gossip is the most prevalent and least talked about sin in the church. Pure and simple, it is perhaps the biggest issue facing us today. Gossip only tears down, never builds up.

I’m sure you’ve heard some juicy gossip that was Christianized. What’s that mean? It means we share something about someone else – something that is secret or demeaning or embarrassing – but we baptize it with “We should pray about it.” Instead of sharing the details, just share your heart! What is in your heart when you decide to gossip? It’s usually not to build up, but to bring down.

Bad-Mouthing

This is maybe the easies. This is when we are in the heat of the situation and we just let it rip. Someone cuts us off in traffic – “Hey jerk! Learn how to drive!” Our boss doesn’t give us that raise we want – “I’m sick and tired of looking at his face!” A politician takes a position we disagree with – “They’re so stupid! I can’t believe they got elected!”

When we bad-mouth, it’s quick and to the point. We lob a grenade hoping to destroy their character or maybe just turn someone onto our side, to share that anger with. I think because it’s so quick and easy, we often just cover it up.

The solution to stop all these patterns of “rotten” speech is to think before you speak. Really think about it. Take a moment and pause before you say that thing you were thinking about saying. Ask yourself if it would really improve the silence around you. If not? Keep it to yourself. And that may be the most spiritual advice I can give you when it comes to our words.

Have you ever wondered what the world is really worth? Maybe you should think about it. Jesus shares some thoughts on the subject.

³⁶ What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul?

Mark 8:36

So, if you could gain the whole world, what would you get?

First of all, if you’re looking for a dollar amount, then the Federal Reserve has that for you. They calculate that in America alone there is $1.5 Trillion floating around in coins and bills. Go global and the number increases to $5 Trillion.

But if you add to that things like “non-physical” dollars, such as savings and checking accounts, money-market accounts, and stocks and bonds, the number increase quite a bit. For the entire planet it reaches something like $80 Trillion.

But what if everyone in the whole world cashed in everything they owned – all their possessions, including houses, yachts, cars, helicopters, clothing, even that old toothbrush – and cashed out. How much would the whole world be worth? The estimate is about $241 Trillion.

Of course, I’m not sure who would be paying for it. If everyone cashed out at once, who has the money to but it all? Maybe aliens? But let’s keep going.

Let’s convert all that cash to hundreds and make a big stack. It would reach over 160,000 miles high, that’s over halfway to the moon! Now, knock the stack over and spread it all out in a single layer. There’s enough cash to cover the entire state of Vermont.

Why stop there! We all want to make more money, right? So let’s slap a “For Sale” sign on the earth and sale to the highest bidder. Factoring in all the natural resources of our planet, this big hunk of dirt is worth a whopping $5 Quadrillion!

$5,000,000,000,000,000.00

That’s really unimaginable. There’s really no way of understanding just how much the world is worth. Now consider this – Jesus said that if you had that much money, but lost your soul…you’d be bankrupt.

In other words, even though the entire world’s value is unimaginable, your soul is worth so much more than that! Inconceivable!

But it’s true! God’s value that he has placed on you is so much higher than you think. He decided it was worth giving everything he has for it – he gave his own son to save your soul. We use the word “redeem,” which is a great word in this example. Because there’s a monetary equivalent to this thing. God paid the price for your own soul, to redeem it.

But there are many in the world who would short change their own soul. They put a very low price on it. It’s not worth kicking an old habit or sticky addiction. It’s not worth fifteen minutes alone with Jesus each day. It’s not worth choosing humility over arrogance.

These are the kind of things we do to take care of our souls. We turn from temptation. We think of others before ourselves. We get alone with our God often.

What is your soul worth? How do you treat it?

We treat a brand new, high priced car much differently than an older, run-down car, right? Be honest. You would never eat in a new car. You wouldn’t even sneak a fry after hitting the drive through! But that old car you had back in college? The one with the seats that were worn out, the tires that were balding, and the sun visor that never really stayed put anymore? You’d eat chili in that thing. Why? Because you just don’t value it as much.

When I think of my soul as being as valuable as the price God puts on it, I will do things differently. We will live selfless lives. We will be willing to take up our cross. We will follow Jesus. That’s how Jesus taught us to take care of our souls.

If he saw value in them, then we should too. And our valuation should match his own.