Civil Conversations

What does it take to make our conversations civil again? What will we need to do – individually – to see that happen? It starts with the tone of our voice, but it goes all the way to the content of our conversations.

In Ephesians, Paul warns his audience – and us! – not to use language that tears down. Instead, use words that build up. The Proverbs talk about the power of our words, how they can either bring life or destroy. So what kind of words tear down?

Those types of words are rotten. That’s Paul’s word, not mine. I would go with something else – offensive. And instead of the picture of spoiled fruit spewing from your mouth…just think about me walking around in yoga pants. Yeah, that’s pretty disturbing isn’t it. That just should not be!

The point is, there are certain things that “should not be” in the church – but they’re there. And one of the areas of largest sin yet smallest attention is in how we talk.

Let me get real practical and share a few of those areas with you. Here are five things that should never come from the mouth of a believer.

Racism

There is absolutely no place in the body of Christ for people to judge others based on the color of their skin. That goes for nationality and ethnicity as well. Racism is the degradation of God’s creation. It’s when we pass judgment on how God made another person, specifically the color of their skin. It’s a dig at the heart of God, actually.

When we talk about someone using racially insensitive terms or use subtle remarks that paint them in a bad light, we are sinning. It’s that simple.

Racism is dangerous. It has led, in the past, to slavery, segregation, apartheid, and even worse. But it’s not the major sins of racism that we wee a lot. It’s the more casual way we express it. In off-handed remarks. In little sayings that have a racist origin but we never considered it. It’s this casual racism that we must be diligent in removing from our speech, because it’s from those small seeds that racism will grow.

Sexism

If racism is about judging God’s work in the color of someone’s skin, then sexism is doing the same when it comes to gender. Again, sexism has no place in the Body of Christ.

We usually cover this up with a blanket, “I was just joking.” But is it really? And we normally think of sexism as having to do with men saying mean things about women. It goes both ways. It’s just as wrong for a female to joke about a male being dumb, ugly, or having bad hygiene.

When we joke about someone else, what’s the purpose of it? What’s the true intent? Is it really to lighten the mood? If so, there are a hundred other ways to do it without belittling someone else’s gender. Think twice before sharing that joke.

Classism

This is a more overlooked form of prejudice. But you and I both know that this happens. In fact, we may be guilty of it too. We look down on someone because they are less fortunate. Or we pity them. We speak in soft whispers when we talk about where they live.

There are a multitude of reasons that you and I and anyone else have the amount of resources we have. From family upbringing and privilege to unforeseen tragedies and unfortunate events. When we talk bad about someone’s financial state, we’re not doing it to help them out but to make us feel better. And that’s a no-win scenario.

Gossip

Gossip is the most prevalent and least talked about sin in the church. Pure and simple, it is perhaps the biggest issue facing us today. Gossip only tears down, never builds up.

I’m sure you’ve heard some juicy gossip that was Christianized. What’s that mean? It means we share something about someone else – something that is secret or demeaning or embarrassing – but we baptize it with “We should pray about it.” Instead of sharing the details, just share your heart! What is in your heart when you decide to gossip? It’s usually not to build up, but to bring down.

Bad-Mouthing

This is maybe the easies. This is when we are in the heat of the situation and we just let it rip. Someone cuts us off in traffic – “Hey jerk! Learn how to drive!” Our boss doesn’t give us that raise we want – “I’m sick and tired of looking at his face!” A politician takes a position we disagree with – “They’re so stupid! I can’t believe they got elected!”

When we bad-mouth, it’s quick and to the point. We lob a grenade hoping to destroy their character or maybe just turn someone onto our side, to share that anger with. I think because it’s so quick and easy, we often just cover it up.

The solution to stop all these patterns of “rotten” speech is to think before you speak. Really think about it. Take a moment and pause before you say that thing you were thinking about saying. Ask yourself if it would really improve the silence around you. If not? Keep it to yourself. And that may be the most spiritual advice I can give you when it comes to our words.