A Note to My Younger Self (Part 1)

Do you ever wish you could go back in time? For many of us, the answer is probably “yes”. There are days that I wish I could go back and sit down with my younger self. Sometimes I think I would smack him and say, “What were you thinking?” Other times I would sit down with him and say, “Its ok, it all works out”, or, “You’re going to regret that decision later.” We all make mistakes; it is part of growing up. However, if I could go back in time and speak to myself this is what I would say:

To my teenage self, I would say…

Spend more time with your family.
As a teenager I was always on the move—going out, hanging around with my friends and occasionally getting into trouble (I know, hard to believe!). I don’t stay in contact with anyone from Jr. High or High school anymore, not one person. My family, however, is still there, supporting me, encouraging me and loving me. Now that I am in my 40’s, I do everything all can to get back to the place I ran from as a teenager. I wish I could have helped the younger me understand that the only people in my life that loved me unconditionally in my teens was my family.

Focus more on deep, life-giving friendships and less on girls and dating.
Yes, I admit it; I spent a lot of time chasing girls. I was always so worried about having a girlfriend…maybe it was the hormones. None of the dating relationships I had during my teenage years ended well, and most of the time it was a negative experience. If I had a do-over, I would spend much more time cultivating deep, rich friendships and would spend much less time worrying about dating. I would find people that were genuine, not worrying about how “popular” (what does that even mean?) they were, but how loyal, kind, and encouraging they were.

Do your homework well.
Schoolwork is not everything, but it is really important. I hated school. I never applied myself, and thus I struggled to get into college and was rejected from the college my parents wanted me to attend. I had a difficult first semester in college because I was not used to studying. During my teens, it did not seem all that important. The teenage years are a time of critical brain development, and I wish I had spent more time doing my homework and developing my intellect.

Don’t quit so easily.
I quit a lot of things when they got hard. I quit the scouts because it was hard, I quit baseball because the older I got the more it demanded. I joined the wrestling team and quit my Sr. Year. I wish I could tell myself to stick it out when things got hard. Life demands tenacity, stick in there.

To my “twenties” self I would say…

Make your faith a priority
I was not a follower of Christ for most of my teenage years. When I started following Jesus, it was rough. Like all the 20-year-olds I knew, I was focusing on my newfound freedom from my parents and I was “testing the waters.” Even as a Christian, I did some pretty dumb things and made some poor choices, many of which would have been avoided had I focused more on my faith and less on trying to be liked. I would tell my twenty-something self to develop a strong set of spiritual disciplines and seek God first. I would challenge my younger self to read deeply and ask lots of questions, not being satisfied with a status quo answer.

Find a mentor
Besides my dad, I did not have anyone who invested deeply in me. Older men and women spoke into my life, which I will always cherish, but I did not have anyone who made a significant investment in me. I had to figure a lot of it out on my own. I would advise my younger self to search out a man who would be willing to walk with me and mentor me in this critical time of my development. I would tell my younger self to find a seasoned pastor who could help me in the first years of ministry. Most Pastors drop out of ministry after the first five years; I did not; but I came close to dropping out after ten years. I needed someone to “speak life” to me.

Take better care of your wife.
In my twenties, my marriage was all about “me” and what I could get out of it. Honestly, I was selfish. My actions told my wife that she was  not that important. I was so focused on my success that she took a back seat to my ministry. The biggest mistake I ever made was when we lost our fist child to miscarriage. We had a doctor appointment to check our baby’s heartbeat. I also had scheduled a youth event that night at our church. We went to the appointment to discover our baby had no heartbeat; we had lost our child. We were devastated. We went home; I dropped my wife off, and I went to the youth event. I wish I could go back and smack that guy and say, “What were you thinking?!”  You need to be with your wife right now! I wish that were the only event like that, but there were others. I had to learn the hard way. I would tell my 20-year-old self, “Take better care of your wife, God called you to love her like “Christ loves the church.” Thankfully, I did learn from my mistakes

Since I now have more life experience I’ll continue on my next post with what I would tell my 30 something self and what I am telling my 40 something self.