It has been a while since I last updated this blog. Life is good but lots going on. I am beginning a doctoral program, one kid going to college and my wife’s career has really taken off.
So…because of these things, I am hitting the pause button on this blog project. It’s been fun…I may be back in the coming months
I think it’s a fair question. What if we just stopped being horrible to each other?
What would happen if we dropped the labels, the name-calling, and the hypocritical self-righteous posture. Maybe we could find a new starting point, like say, we are all human. We all have hopes and dreams. We all suffer and experience disappointment. We all laugh and cry. We all have opinions, sometimes we are right and sometimes we’re not.
I am not suggesting that we all have to like each other or even be friends. I’m just wondering what would happen if we practiced respect, kindness, and decency in our disagreements. Not everyone is going to agree with me and that’s ok. Newsflash, sometimes I’m wrong and so are you.
Some thoughts:
Just because you believe something or want it to be true that does not make it a fact.
I can be friends with people who hold very different views from me and…drumroll…learn from them.
We are all hypocrites in some way.
Some relationships are not going to work. Dr. Henry Cloud calls these “necessary endings”. I have had some necessary endings because the relationship was not good for my soul and I probably was not good for theirs. I don’t hate them or wish them ill, I just not interested in being friends and that’s ok.
I chose my behavior, actions, and words. Stop blaming bad behavior on other people.
Finally, from the Apostle Paul: “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves,” Php 2:3
By Mike and Rebecca Bellanti
2020 has not gone as planned (thank you Captain Obvious). January and February felt like a normal January and February. Enter March and the world exploded. Like anyone else in places of leadership, I was scrambling to figure out what to do. I listened to health care officials, had lots of meetings and conversations. I searched the scriptures and prayed that God would give me wisdom and direction. I can honestly say that over the last four months I have done the very best I can. Have I gotten it right? I don’t know yet, some would say yes, some would say no. It seems that there is not an answer to this question.
The muddy waters of our current situation have pushed us into a state of fear, not feeling safe, looking for a consistent voice, and being bombarded with 1000 inconsistent voices. When we are afraid, confused, unsure of what to do, or believe we react. From my perspective, this reaction has taken the form of accusation. Accusation leads to division. The divisions have become political and religious, a very dangerous combination. The safer at home order was met with resistance and now the biggest issue…masks. I have never seen so much anger, verbal violence, and unbelievable behavior over a piece of cloth like I have in the last ninety days. I am not saying this to minimize it, it grieves me deeply. As a follower of Christ, I think we can do better.
Personally, if I walk into a store and they require a mask I wear it. I don’t really like them and they remind me how bad my breath smells when I forgot that mint after lunch. But I like Menards so I wear it. If I am in a crowded place I wear one. If it really does protect others then I am happy to do it. Honestly, I have no idea if they work or not. There seems to be some pretty compelling evidence they do work, but then there is a smaller body of evidence that says they don’t and they actually make things worse. Who is right? I don’t know. I am not a scientist or a medical professional. I am a Pastor, my specialty is theology so I am going to stay in my lane. This article is not about masks or no mask, this is about what we are displaying in our faith, character, and values by our words and our actions.
The problem for Christians is when we express our opinions as accusations, we start talking over each other, judging others for being incompetent, lashing out in anger, etc. Making statements like, “If you are not wearing a mask then you are acting unchristian” or “Jesus would wear a mask”. On the opposite side of the aisle, no mask advocates say things like “The government is controlling us”. “My rights are being taken away” and “We are living in fear, not faith”.
Honestly, the last one bothers me the most because it is inconsistent with how we live in other areas of our life. When we are sick and go to the doctor are we living in fear? When we get in the car we put on our seatbelt (something that the government makes us do by the way) are we living in fear? I lock my door at night….you get the point. Recently, I was speaking with a woman and she was saying things like I trust God, I have faith, not fear! Then five minutes later (literally, five minutes later) she was telling me about a medical device she had to wear and how she felt so comforted by having this device on and that she would be worried about her health if she did not have it. Yes, this is me feeling irritated. Maybe Captain Obvious could have cleared this one up.
We are in a state of division as a country and fractured within the church. Division causes disconnection from each other, disconnection from one another is shame. Shaming others for not agreeing with you is a weapon, a powerful weapon striking severe injuries to the unity of the Body of Christ.
We all have opinions and that is good, but we must also consider that we may be wrong, and most importantly we may not understand the fears, concerns, and experiences of others. Maybe masks trigger panic attacks in one person, while another is concerned for their loved one with a medical condition that makes them more vulnerable to complications if they become infected. The question “What does love require of me right now?” is a good place to start to restore the unity of believers.
My challenge, for all those that follow Jesus, reflect on these passages from the Bible and let the Holy Spirit speak:
1 Peter 3:8
Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble.
Galatians 5:14-15
For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”If you bite and devour each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other.
Galatians 6:2
Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.
I am grieved.
The events surrounding George Floyd have caused deep sadness in me as a follower of Christ. I am reminded of the words of Genesis that we, as people, are created in God’s image and likeness.
Genesis 1:27 (NIV)So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.
As I process, listen and wrestle with the rawness of my own soul as a Christian, pastor, father and husband, my prayer is “Lord heal our land.” I feel helpless, yet trust in the God of all creation and goodness for His redemption.
I would like us to consider these ancient Hebrew words:
2 Chronicles 7:14 (KJV)“If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.”
I am asking you to take some time this week to live and pray the words of 2 Chronicles. As a response to the scriptures, I am making 3 choices this week:
I choose to be a person called by God’s name. A name that represents love, mercy and justice. To bear the name of Christ is a sacred calling.
I choose to humble myself. I can be my own worst enemy and get lost in my own arrogance. I am choosing to listen – not react, and receive – not pontificate.
I choose to pray.God heal our land, heal our hearts.
Please join me…
Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool.
Isaiah 1:18 (KJV)
I love this passage from the prophet Isaiah. It specifically details Yahweh calling the nation of Isreal to repentance. I find the opening line in the old King James version captivating. “Come now, let us reason together”.
The dictionary defines reason this way:
The power of comprehending, inferring, or thinking especially in orderly rational ways.
Merriam-Webster Dictonary
The ability to comprehend and think in rational and orderly ways is a skill that is losing popularity and being replaced by out of control feelings. It is incredibly vouge to allow our emotions to overrule reason. I think of an incident that happened on the Bill Maher Show (As discussed in Don’t Burn This Book) between actor Ben Affleck and writer, thinker and atheist Sam Harris. One segment of the show was a conversation on some of the radical ideas of Islam. Sam Harris was attempting to criticize dangerous ideologies found amongst radical jihadists. Instead of having thoughtful dialog Affleck throws an emotionally filled temper tantrum derailing the whole “conversation” and calling Harris names (you can watch it here).
Emotions are important but they are not always reliable. Just because I feel a certain way, that feeling does not negate truth. I think of some of the more uncomfortable teachings of the Bible, such as let’s say, hell. I often hear ” I feel a loving God would never send anyone to hell”. While the doctrine of hell is challenging and often misunderstood, just because I “feel” a certain way does not give me the authority to ignore or remove portions of the scriptures I don’t like (Thomas Jefferson already tried it!). Every system of belief has a source. The Holy Scriptures serve as that source for Christianity.
In the year 2016, the Oxford word of the year was “Post-Truth”
Post-truth is an adjective defined as ‘relating to or denoting circumstances in which objective facts are less influential in shaping public opinion than appeals to emotion and personal belief’.
Emotion has become the primary litmus for truth. Not objective facts, not the scientific method, not reason but emotion. What I feel becomes my truth. When this is taken further division and polarization run rampant. If you don’t feel the same way I feel then you are wrong and I have the right to call you all kinds of names, which feels more like the behavior of nine-year-olds rather than thinking adults.
So what do we do about this? How can we reason together? Let me offer 3 suggestions.
Often, in conversation most people are not really listening we are formulation our response or rebuttal. Reasoning asks us to listen so we can understand a perspective, even if we don’t agree with it.
Oh the horror of admitting we might be wrong! I never want to admit that I am wrong but the truth is I am wrong all the time. Say these three words with me: “I…was…wrong”. Doesn’t that feel better? Coming to the place in which I can say those three words has freed me the need to be something I am not…perfict.
I love to read books by authors I disagree with. It makes me a better person and a better thinker. Discovering views on issues that are different from yours can help you grow intellectually and allow you to have a learned understanding of why you believe what you believe.
So…”Come let us reason together”.
It happened again today. I was casually glancing at social media and I witnessed a “facebook fight” between middle-age adults acting like sixth-grade bullies.
I don’t like to debate and argue, I am not good at it, and I don’t enjoy it. However, robust discussion and healthy exchange of competing ideas is an excellent thing. We make each other better when we can have reasoned conversations around dissenting viewpoints.
Back to the childish social media slapping contest. Nothing was solved, people were angry and a bit of humanity was lost. Is there a better way? Can we disagree and not resort to name-calling and dehumanizing? Yes, it begins by asking ourselves these questions:
Do I really know what I am talking about or am I simply offering an uninformed emotionally-driven opinion?
We are losing the ability to think critically. We get our information from biased sources, unreliable outlets, social media bites, and groupthink. Before we enter into a debate or shut someone down do the hard work of research and fact-finding. Look at multiple sources from different points of view. Don’t limit your study to those who support what you already believe, but expand your horizon which increases your ability to think deeply.
Are my comments helpful to the discussion or are they passive-aggressive (or just plain aggressive) cheap shots?
Dave Rubin writes:
[We have] replaced the battle of ideas with a battle of feelings, while trading honesty with outrage.
Dont Burn this Book p.2
If the aim is to hurt someone you no longer have a healthy exchange, you have a brawl.
Am I ok with someone disagreeing with me?
You have the right to disagree with me AND I have there right to disagree with you. Just because I disagree with you I am not going to call you an idiot, evil, hater, racist, homophobic, xenophobic, sexist, or whatever words are popular these days to label and diminish, in turn, I don’t want to be labeled any of those things either.
If I can’t handle someone disagreeing with me than I lose my credibility.
Is it possible I might be wrong?
I am not always right, and neither are you (I know what a shocking statement to make). Over the years I have changed my mind on lots of things. Some of the most humble grace-filled words we can say: “I was wrong”.
Let’s have tuff conversations, listen to each other, respect each other, and lay off the name-calling, it just makes the name-caller look foolish and pushes us further apart.
It has been four months since I have written anything. I started this blog a few years ago as an experiment with wild ambitions. My plan was to write twice a week. I have not even come close. Sometimes even the most well-intentioned ideas get derailed by the pressing concerns of the moment. Jobs, careers, and responsibilities are so draining that when we walk in the door at night all we want to do is binge watch Netflix and eat something that inevitably makes us feel worse. Our goals, dreams and passions get put on the shelf next to all the self-help books we bought but never read.
Life is full of starts and stops, healthy ambitions and failed executions. Lethargy wins, the couch and TV call, we mindlessly scroll through the social media posts of people we barely know. We soak in a pool of jealousy at the highlight reels of fantastic lives, leaving us wondering, “What is wrong with me, why can’t I stick with my goals?” Perhaps a better question to ask ourselves is “What is in my daily life, that is valuable, that I am not noticing?”
The simple practice of noticing is seeing what is there around me. Noticing what is in me. For example, being aware that I ask myself the same questions over and over. “Why is everyone more confident, attractive, intelligent, athletic, talented, (fill in the blank) than me?” This way of thinking dupes us. We start to believe something is wrong with the life we have. How would it change our lives if we began the practice of noticing the blessings that have been there all along?
I read a peculiar story from ancient literature this week about a desert father known as “Moses the Black” (330 AD). The story goes something like this…
A brother came to Scetis to visit Abba Moses and asked him for a word. The old man said to him, ‘Go, sit in your cell, and your cell will teach you everything.’
The challenge of this ancient monk was to go to your cell, “a room”, and simply be quiet, notice what is there. In this cell of silence, we have the opportunity to notice the goodness of God, in the smell of a flower, in the laughter of children, in the warmth of a blanket, in the comfort of friendship. This cell opens space to notice what is happening with our emotions, our thoughts and in our body. We can be honest here about our painful emotions like anxiety and doubt, anger and bitterness, sadness and loneliness. Here we can ask God to be with us in these hard places, the shadow places of the soul while being comforted with the goodness of God in our achievements, and our growth.
Marjorie Thompson in her book Soul Feast Poetically states that:
Silence is Gods first language
I write this in the middle of the COVID-19 crisis. Like you, I have been hunkered down at home for over a month. As much as I want to get out, go back to work, and hang out with friends, I have been gifted time to pause. To look inward and listen to the silent voice of God. Within each one of us, there is light and shadow. In the silence, God speaks and the light shines into our souls. God clears away the petty busy distractions that strip us of peace to give us clarity about what is good and beautiful in our lives.
The Latin word behind the English word “discernment” means to separate. That’s what deciding is, really. To separate one choice from another. In a magic trick, you pick a card any card. That means you separate one out from the rest of the pack. Every time you make a decision in life – whether big or small – you are separating something from the rest.
When you decide to marry someone, you are separating them and yourself from the rest of the fish in the sea. When you decide on a pair of shoes in the morning, you are separating them from the other pairs in your closet. You are saying “yes” to one thing and “no” to everything else. Every time you choose a place to eat, you are saying “yes” to Culver’s and “no” to McDonald’s.
When it comes to the big things in life, the important things, God has called us to use discernment. That means we don’t just separate one choice from the rest on a whim. We need to separate before we ever actually choose. This last week, we tried to get to the heart of that idea. I’d like to share just a little bit more of what I was talking about.
Each day is made up of choices. They can be micro-choices, like which socks to put on today. They can be macro-choices, like whether or not to sign that mortgage. Most choices are the micro- variety. The macro-choices don’t come very often. And then there are the choices in between. “Should I have the salad or a burger?” can be a pretty important decision if you’re watching your cholesterol. Deciding who will pick up the kids after school can have a lot of consequences later. It’s in these in-between choices that most of our lives are directed. And God is just as interested in us making good decisions in those times as he is in the bigger, seemingly more important moments.
To make good decisions, we need discernment. That means we are able to first separate out some things and then decide wisely. For instance, when picking a school to go to you might sit down and make a “pros” and “cons” list. You separate out the good from the bad for each school. That way you are better equipped to choose.
But it’s not just separating out the things we like or want from those we don’t. There are other separations that must take place. For instance, we need to learn to separate God’s best from our good. We have the capacity to make any decision based on our limited knowledge and understanding. We can be confident that we’ll end up with our own good result. But what about God’s best? Taking a moment to separate those things out can lead us into greater choices.
Another way we make wise decisions is by separating our feelings from our thoughts. It’s not that your emotions are bad, it’s that we can often jump too quickly if we “follow our hearts.” Taking a moment to separate those things from each other allows us to better see why we are leaning one way over another.
We also need to separate ourselves. In other words, we need to say “yes” to God and “no” to ourselves. When we make self-centered decisions, we may be hurting someone close to us. But when we consider others – especially God – we can be wiser in those moments because we are more caring.
The basis for all of this has to be another type of separation, a separation of space. Practicing moments of time where we contemplate the things of God, our place in his world, his love for us, our role in sharing that love will sharpen us to make better decisions. And those moments don’t come naturally. So we need to separate ourselves. From the world, from our own perspectives, from the challenges around us, from the undertow of sin. When we separate and make space for those moments, we are putting ourselves in a place for abounding love, increased understanding, and trust in God’s grace.
This week, think through the “yes” and “no” you’re saying every time you make a choice. Create space to speak those things with love and life. And then follow through with confidence.
“That’s just the way I am.”
“What you see is what you get.”
“It is what it is.”
We use these phrases a lot of times as an excuse. Don’t control me. Don’t change me. I’m going to be loud and obnoxious so just deal with it.
But if you look past the excuses, these phrases hold a lot of truth. Another way to say those things is “This is us.” And that’s what we talked about this week. We are Northbrook.
We are you! We are every single one of you, in every single thing that you do. We are you on your good days and your bad days. We are you when you’re generous and when you’re stingy. When you talk about someone and when you pray for someone. When you’re mad and when you’re full of joy.
That’s just the way it is. Because this is us.
Every time we walk into the church building that Northbrook calls home, we experience each other. We take in each other in relationship. And life flows from our relationships with each other. We are kind, loving, moody, irritable, annoying, compassionate, tolerant…all of those things. We take the good with the bad because that’s what relationship is all about.
Then we go out of the building that Northbrook calls home…and we ARE Northbrook. In the community, at work, in a restaurant, even in our homes. But we take a part of that relationship with us.
Now, it may be a nice strategy to be on our best behavior everywhere we go. So let’s just focus on the good parts while we are in relationship. Plaster over the bad, correct the mistakes, and ignore the problems. But that wouldn’t be real, would it? That wouldn’t be honest.
Here at Northbrook we have a set of values we try to live by. We have them written down as statements:
Let’s be honest. We put those in an order for a reason. If we can’t be real people, then it’s going to be infinitely harder to love intentionally. We won’t understand the importance of generations and families. We’ll find it very difficult to take next steps toward God.
But when we are real, well…we have some problems. Real problems. We went ahead and just added that in to make sure everyone gets it. We aren’t going to be real by being real squeaky clean. We’re going to be ourselves. This is us. And we’ll have real questions. But that’s okay, because once we get there we’ll love each other intentionally, through each generation and in each family, as we take next steps toward God. I think you’re starting to get it.
We’re going to have good days and bad days. We’ll have issues. And that’s fine. Churches have had issues since the beginning of the writing of the Bible. It didn’t stop them. It won’t stop us. That was them. This is us. Here we are.
At the heart of being real people is having real stories and histories that shaped us that way. Someone doesn’t wake up and decide to be a jerk or have an addiction or bear a wound from a past relationship. Those things result from life events. And when we are compelled by love for each other, we dig below the surface to hear those stories and discover those histories so we understand better.
We’re going to get on each other’s nerves sometimes. We’re going to hurt each other. This is us. We’re also going to love each other. We’re going to go out and show the world what it means to be real people with real problems who really love each other. And that’s going to make all the difference.
you ever tried walking in the dark? Maybe you get up late at night and since you don’t want to wake your spouse you leave the lights out. You make your way into the kitchen by feel and memory. You walk cautiously, slowly.
Then you flip on the light. Everything is illuminated. You have your bearings. You have your confidence back. It’s a relief.
How many of us feel like we’re walking around in the dark? Maybe it’s just blurry, kind of a cloud. We have a form of existential angst that keeps our eyes shut. Then we encounter a light. An ah-ha moment or some breakthrough. Everything starts to make sense again.
In the faith, we know what that illumination is. It’s the Spirit of God enlightening our life. It’s the God of lights shining down from above. It’s Jesus, the divine presence we practice.
Here’s something, though. Read these two verses and tell me what you see.
“I am the light of the world.”
John 18:12
“You are the light of the world.”
Matthew 5:14
Wait a minute. Which is it? Is Jesus the light of the world, or are we? Are we both somehow the light of the world, simultaneously? How would that even work?
I’m not going to spend a great deal of time here splitting theological hairs. But I do think it’s important to think through this. It’s not that we and Jesus are both the light of the world, our work completely independent of each other. And although it’s true that we reflect his light to the world, like the moon reflects the sun’s, wouldn’t the world rather have the direct light of Jesus?
I think there’s something more to be said here. When we have the light of Jesus within us, we radiate that to others. They can see Jesus when they see us. And he goes on to tell us exactly how that’s accomplished.
“In the same way let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your father in heaven”
Matthew 5:16
They see our good deeds. Not our good works. Not our own efforts to keep our noses clean. But how we go about living day-to-day with the light of the world fully alive within us.
Jesus, as the light of the world, was not about moral realignment. He’s not about making us perfect examples of how to do this thing the right way. He was about how we impact others through simple love.
When we only think of it in terms of doing things right, then our message gets reduced to “Jesus loves you, so stop doing bad stuff.” Instead, he’s much more concerned with our presence in the world. That’s because he was all about his own presence in the world.
He came to a world who desperately needed him. But not as judge, jury, and executionary. But as neighbor and friend. Faithfully present. And he wants us to follow that same pattern. God with us, us with others. That’s how we become the light of the world.
You are the light as you live your life in the everyday routine, living in such a way that your life reveals the presence of God. Let’s take one more look at that key verse, this time from one of my favorite translations, the Message.
“Here’s another way to put it: You’re here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world.”
How are you bringing out the colors of God, the light of the world, who is already there?